An Interview with Levelord

One of the coolest things I've had happen to me since I've been doing these interviews, was meeting Richard "Levelord" Gray. Richard is the kind of guy that within minutes, you feel like lifelong friends. Maybe it's because the both of us spent MANY of our early days on this planet fawning over Barbara Eden from "I dream of Genie" and wondering how that fag Larry Hagman found her on the beach and not me. Maybe the feeling comes from the fact that here sits a guy that has made level design what it is, nomatter which game it is. . . but he still talks to everyone on the same level ( heh, unintentional pun ). I had a whole thing about Richard I was going to say, like:

"Levelord, the man behind the levels. Whether it was Duke Nukem , or The Scourge of Armagon Mission Pack,  right up to Sin and the yet to be released F.A.K.K.2, we all know the work of Levelord. . . ass kiss, ass kiss, stroke, stroke. . .  "

That was until I met him. My interviews are all about learning a little bit about the people in the interview, not about whatever game they're working on etc. , and the biggest message I want to convey about Levelord, that people might not know, is what a great guy he is. 

On to the goods:

1.) What's the most outrageous thing you ever did on the job.

That would have to be my decision to take a smoke break in front of the Apogee Building one Fri night, rather than the usual back of the building. This outrageous thing happened at about 2am. Chuck Jones (now at Valve) and I would normally go out back to relieve our nic-fits, but this night Chuck had gone home early (yes, 2am is early for an Apostle of Apogee;). For whatever reason, …fear of being alone in Garland at night, laziness towards having to undo the security system in the back, …whatever, …I decided to go out front this time.

I went out to the front parking lot and wasn't half the way through my Camel when a police car pulled by, suddenly stopped, and then U-turned back to the parking lot. He stops and… …FLASH, I'm in the middle of his spotlight and he's yelling at me to identify myself. I figured it was pretty obvious what he was concerned about, I mean, raggedy long-haired me suspiciously standing in front of a dark (the Apostles fear light, BTW;) office building. I anticipated a quick identification and I'd be back upstairs pronto.

He opened his patrol car door and told me to stand right there and identify myself. I forgot about all the episodes of Cops and foolishly thought I should pull out my wallet to show him who I was (the Levelord was not so famous yet as to be recognized on the streets;). No sooner had I reached around and grabbed the top of my wallet did he have his gun out and pointed at me. The blurred image of him nervously holding that gun behind the spotlight was quite a rush, let me tell you.

I was quickly spread-eagled against the nearest car and being searched. That's the outrageous part… …the search. He checked everywhere! Legs, arms, and abdomen, of course, then a rather rigorous and painful search of my rear and groin areas, …checked both areas twice, he did. Then he had me empty my pockets on the nearest car. 

I took out everything except the bowl in my front right pocket. I figured the gig was up, career-wise and everything, because THAT sort of thing is frowned upon down here. I'm not going to just hand it over, anyways. The police officer then did a quick pat-down of my pockets to make sure I had completely emptied them. A pat-pat here, and pat-pat there, …and then he grabbed the bowl from the outside of my jeans and felt it way long enough to know what it was. He said nothing, and then he grabbed the bowl again. He said nothing. I was sweating and by that time three other patrol cars had pulled in and focused their spotlights. That was it, though, nothing. He was either a very cool cop, or hated doing paper work at 3am ;) I fortunately had a payroll stub with my name and Apogee's address on it. That and my driver's license seemed to prove who I was and they all left. I had three more smokes, right in a row, and I had them out back!

2.) People you admire in the industry. ( please limit your answer to 2 people and EXCLUDE me, thats a given.)

Tom "One Levelord Does NOT Beat a Paradox" Mustaine. First, it's so cool knowing someone related to that dude in MegaDeth. …and "B", he is probably the most talented person in this industry. He designs some of the most incredible levels, of course, but any monkey can do that if you have enough bananas. What amazes me is that he seems to know everything about everything that is game-related. I tend to admire the people I work with because they are the ones I know the best. I mean, for all I know Lord British is actually a drunken, drug-abusing, over-weight, self-serving egotist… …no wait, …that would put him on the list, …nevermind, …anyhow, I will not be surprised if Tom turns out to be a great film (or whatever our soon-to-replace-passive-movies games will be called) director and entertainment mogul.

Bill Gates because he has all that fucking money and power, and he still wants more. You probably think that's not a valid answer because he's really not "in" the industry, but I figure we'll ALL be working for him and Peter Guber within 5 years, so I'm sucking-up now!

3.) What's the most annoying thing to deal with being Levelord.

Being asked why there aren't three Ls in the middle of my moniker!

4.) Does your WIFE still nag you to "Get off that damn computer before I break it" now that your a famous Game making Dude.

Actually, I'm alone again. Well, not emotionally, but physically, yes! …I should have gone much further, much faster! …wait, …where was I? …oh yes, …I am indeed without a significant other. I almost tied the knot this year after re-establishing a romance with the first woman I lived with back in the 1980s. We broke-up in 1984 and hadn't seen each other for 15 years. Weird science! …I'm not sure what happened, but I believe stress had me delusional and thinking I wanted to do the Ward Cleaver or something mature like that.

We started talking on the phone a few years ago after I thought I saw her on an America's Funniest Home Videos episode. Phone calls lead to a visit here in Dallas, and a few visits turned into an engagement. She left school in New Jersey and headed for points west… …Dallas. I bought my first house for the occasion, something I never thought I would do because I hate to feel tied down. That didn't matter, though, as I was going to be really tied down anyway.

It's all like a weird, weird dream now and I can't quite remember what was going on. THAT must have been someone else. It's like when you quit smoking cigarettes. It's a profoundly heavy monkey on your shoulder and it's hard to remember what it was like to live with that drastic of an encumbrance.

Kelly is a dear and I don't mean to say that she specifically was a heavy burden. I hope she isn't too hurt by all that I did to her, but anyways, …now I'm alone again and completely untethered, and I can't quite recall what the "other" life style was like. It seems so different and distinct from what I live now.

5.) Tips you can give Levelord-Jedi in training.

The industry is far too crowded and you have absolutely NO business here! Now go away! …there's no quarter for you here! I'm sorry, …that slipped. I'm getting my ass kicked by all the young bloods and I fear approaching extinction for us old farts. Have you ever smelled an old fart? …it's not nice and my days are surely numbered because of these young, fresh-smelling little shits!

6.) Drink of Choice

Can we get some endorsement money here? If so, then definitely Coke, …drunken out of a Nike like champagne from a slipper, …while using AT&T's long distance service to call in an order for Papa John's Pizza! …if not, then that purple stuff! …with A LOT of vodka!

7.) Tunes of Choice

Always a tough question. It's like picking a favorite food. I would say, if I had to pick, it would be either Yes or Led Zeppelin. Yes because their first few albums have deeply embedded connections to fond memories of growing up as a teenager (belovedly referred to as "The Psychotropic Years). Definitely saw a lot of cool times, …most of them with trails and echoing sounds, …and Yes was often playing in the background. Led Zeppelin because they epitomize heavy metal for me. I am convinced that of the few groups that are still admired 200 years from now, they will be one of them.

8.) Babe of Choice 

Real world, or fantasy? If I could have ANYONE, it would be Barbara Eden as "The Jeannie"! A gorgeous body and face like that (watch the reruns before you email me your belittling old fart jokes!), …with an adorable voice that obediently beckons "Yes, Master?"! Those magic powers of hers! …and best of all, …that bottle! …"Yes, Master, can I do anything else for you?" …"Not right now, Jeannie, …back in the bottle, and leave the remotes!".

If we're in the real world, I like that "5 People" thing in which you list the 5 people that are so irresistible, and obviously unobtainable, that your significant other would actually allow you to sleep with for one night. Here's my list -

1. Andie MacDowell, …definitely number one!
2. Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
3. Helena Bonham Carter.
4. Julia Sawalha.
5. Meg Ryan.

9.) Since we are age old friends, tell us something about yourself that people may not know.

I started my own Ass Pennies Project back in 1998, …that's why I'm so confident!

Alot of you have been following the .plan updates that Levelord makes, so you might be aware that at this years E3, I am teaming up with the Ritual Gang to whup up on the OldManMurray bunch. I dont give a rip who said what, or even how it started, I'm letting you all know I flat out told Richard that I'm in his corner. . .

. . . heh, think that's funny?? I haven't even begun to pull out the reserves. We could make this one of the most interesting E3's ever! ! !